new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
