Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
