Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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