Yo dont text me then not text me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
