I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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