I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
