Im at strip club and am horny
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
