how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
