i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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