Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
