i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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