I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
