i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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