Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
