Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
