If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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