I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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