While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Bring me that man meat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
