and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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