Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
