I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
