I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
