Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
