so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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