His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
