I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
