I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
