Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
