That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
