you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
