Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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