Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
