absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
