Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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