I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
