D3 body, D1 cock
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
