i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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