Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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