I hope mine doesn't look like that
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
