it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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