I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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