Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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