Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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