it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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