Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
