I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
