I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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