Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
