the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
