he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
